Yearning is quite under-explored for me. I grew up feeling that it could lead to my annihilation.

I think what I am yearning for is the version of me who finally has it. The sensation of safety and togetherness. The sensation of being seen and understood. I am yearning for that.

Not a person in particular. But the feeling of having a person. Because I know this is not something I can do for myself.

That's maturity — recognizing that we are not meant to do it alone. And to know that this is a want and not a need. For the first time in my life I am allowing myself the indulgence of an emotional want because my emotional needs are met.

Maybe I do love myself. It's not a perfect love but it's there; enough to meet the needs. And that's why I can afford to want.