18/1/2026 — I wasn’t expecting to write this but I wanted to understand why people use religion and it made me realize that religion is just words and I use words too and maybe it’s the same thing in the end. why I forgive everyone for how they are.

It kind of sounds like convoluted nonsense. The whole thing about Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge and the apple? Who planted that tree?

If you can't read the Bible as something that actually happened, does it not put into question the validity of everything within it? Do Catholics believe that knowledge is bad? And that we should stay ignorant?

This religious mindset is fragile. It's rife with asterisks that force you to do some mental gymnastics and contort it into an acceptable form. There are so many contradictions. What is the point? If you can pick and choose what is gospel? It's not so different from a cult to me.

Of course these are broad statements. Of course there are cases where religion has been helpful to people. But I would like to believe that I am a good person because I want to be a good person and not because the Bible tells me to and that I will be punished if I'm not.

I wasn’t even raised to be religious. I really feel for those who have to unlearn. I know it's nuanced. I probably don't know enough about it. But I think Camus wrote something about how religion is a form of suicide. Where you no longer need to have critical thought because you can just subscribe to an existing set of rules to live by.

I want to learn more about religion in general. Eastern religion seems much more interested in facing the uncertainty and embracing it, as opposed to having rules to ignore it or "faith." Like Taoism or Buddhism.

I guess in some ways I feel like I'm better than those who have blind faith?

I just think we should embrace the nuance of it all. Words and definitions don't really matter. Labels try to create form out of a reality that is formless. I don't know if that makes sense. But nothing makes sense when you keep pushing past the surface layers. Each layer reveals more nonsense. Until you're at the level of looking at the fabric of what is really there. And definitely none of that makes sense either (quantum physics). So there's no point in trying to make sense of it by putting it into words.

It doesn't need to make sense. That seems like a cop-out. But "why?" is a question that doesn't have an answer because you can just keep asking it forever.

This is my year of non-intellectualization. No more "why" all the time. No more justifications.

Something that freaks me out is—I only have my reality. As in—I see the world in this way—I have arrived on these "principles" through examination of my experiences. Another person may have a totally other set of experiences that colors their world. And so of course they will have a different perspective.

We can look at the same world but it's a totally different set of eyes with lenses created from a totally different process. So the same reality can be observed in a totally different way. And who’s to say I'm right? And who is to say they are wrong? As in, if they lived what I lived; they would surely see things my way. And vice versa. And if this is true; are we not all just… the same?

I can't be mad at anyone for how they are because it's not their fault they were born into those circumstances that led them to be how they are. So, I think in my heart I love everyone. Not in a literal way; but metaphorically. I forgive everyone for how they are.

I just want everyone to hold each other. But it seems like the world is tragically losing the plot on that front. There's so much pain right now. And everyone is screaming at each other. I'm not better. I say all these things philosophically but in practice I still "other" people. I don't give to the homeless all the time. I still want to be rich. I still want to do "well." Like how are we supposed to love everyone when the structures here are not conducive to the scale of how many people there are. The trauma already exists that cause us to hurt one another.

I can't trust everyone because they might have a particular upbringing that will make them prioritize themself. And in game theory if you can't trust your collaborator you need to act in your own best interest. So are we just fucked? Is this a zero-sum world? I would like to think not.

On a fundamental level the universe is beautiful but there is no order to it. It doesn’t care about us. There are no rules. But why do I believe human beings are still good? Maybe because we evolved to care for each other and that's it. If we evolved to be solo hunters (e.g. sharks or bears); we would not give a shit about each other right? The concept of “good” is human—and it's designed to promote cohesion because that is what helped our ancestors survive.

I still think that is meaningful. That “good” is coded into my biology. It's confusing. That our atoms organized themselves to be this way. So while I say the universe doesn't care— we are here, existing inside of it. Meaning that “good” is real. That my thoughts and the morals—the "rules" that apparently the universe does not follow—still came from something. That my reality organized itself into these thoughts. That is real. The fact that I'm thinking them means they are emergent from the chaotic soup of matter and energy that we were created from. So there's something there for sure.